Ask the Expert (3)
Choosing a Band or DJ for your wedding.
By Colette O'Leary
We all know that your wedding is all about showing your family and friends how much you love each other, but there are some factors that can make or break your special day.
If your flowers are disappointing, no one will remember. If your cake does not taste great, no one will remember. If your bridesmaids colour turns out awful, no one will remember. But if your BAND or DJ IS DREADFUL, EVERYONE WILL REMEMBER !
It is the one aspect of your wedding that people respond to. The girls will remember " I
danced all night, the band were fantastic!” The guys will recall how many times they were
dragged up on the dance floor.
I am often asked by Brides “Should I get a DJ or a band?”
I always tell them that a DJ is great and they are less expensive than live entertainment. Their play list can be customised and well chosen. A sophisicated DJ may be the perfect choice for your wedding and it may suit your venue perfectly too.
Meet with your DJ to guage their personality and style. Discuss your needs and wishes for your wedding , and see if you can get to see him in action. Be very clear on what you don’t like and what kind of music you believe will keep your guests happy. But be careful, just because you love Guns and Roses does not mean that your guests will too. Also, make sure that he will play requests for your guests when asked.
Whether its swing or salsa or a four piece ensemble, live music has the ability to get even the most reluctant dancer on to the dance floor. Think about what kind of music you really want. Don’t just the book the “ In” wedding band of the moment ". Pick a band that will reflect you and your partner. You want to enjoy the band as well as your guests and you will want to dance the night away, in your dress, surrounded by all of your family and friends.
I DO’S FOR CHOOSING A BAND
Get references from other couples, ask them what did they like and not like about the band.
Be sure to hear the band live a CD or a video is not enough!
Choose a playlist and a “don’t playlist”.
Make sure your venue has enough electrical points and check if they have their own sound engineer.
Give the band leader your wedding timeline, and ask them how long it will take the band to set up. You do not want the guest sitting there with nothing to do, while the band takes an hour to set up.
The bands needs to get breaks too, so make sure to allow for that.
Make sure the Band Leader can correctly pronounce the name of each person in the bridal party.
I DON’TS FOR CHOOSING THE BAND
Avoid having one style of music throughout.
Don’t position the band too far from the dance floor. If they are not directly in front of the dance floor the energy will not be the same.
Don’t hire a band that you saw live at an outdoor concert. Everything sounds very different in an indoor venue .
WHAT’ S YOUR FAVOURITE SONG FOR YOUR FIRST DANCE?
How to survive weddings if you're single
BY Tanya Sweeney
It’s a truth universally acknowledged that for many single girls, wedding season is about as welcome a mark on the calendar as Valentine’s Day. All those clichés about single girls at weddings – sitting at the kiddie’s table, leering uncles, meddling matchmakers? All true. What’s more, the reality is often far, far worse.
So how to be a graceful guest and avoid the pity party? First things first; if you’re flying solo, be sure to look as striking as you can be. A professional make-up job, slinky dress and killer heels are all par for the course at any wedding, but for the single gal they’re a sort of confidence=enhancing armour. Choose your apparel carefully; too tarty and you’ll come across like a mad, up-for-it saddo, while something matronly and swampy will make you feel like your less-than-best self. And wearing white… too passive-aggressive for words, and you know why.
So, cinched of waist, glowing of cheek and rouged of lip, choose your drinking buddies carefully. Avoid the elderly aunts like the plague, unless you actually enjoy the ‘why-are-you-still-single’ inquisition. Or, if you’re feeling brave, smile sweetly and tell then you couldn’t think of which of your five casual lovers to bring so you thought you might leave them all at home.
During the tossing of the bouquet, you know that all eyes will be on you as a single girl. It’s a sort of minefield waiting to happen. Seem to eager and you’ll never live it down; act too nonchalant about it and people will start to wonder. Our favourite tactic is to make a beeline for the bar for a champers top-up while all that hoo-ha is going down.
On the upside, you’ll no doubt find many more singles at your table or nearby. Weddings are the easiest place to strike up a conversation with a stranger (correction: friend you’ve not yet met). Simply ask them how they know the bride and groom, and let the conversation flow.
One of the main gripes that singles have about weddings is the cost involved. Many girls feel that they need to book a double room in a hotel (whereas love-up folks get to split the cost with their bedfellow). If the wedding is abroad, singles fret about paying for flights and accommodation. Make the entire situation work for you by arranging a holiday around the wedding. If it’s a hotel-at-home scenario, make it work for you! Book a slew of tasty spa treats, and stay on an extra night, stocking up on yummy bubble bath, champagne on room service and pay-per-view films in your room.
Perhaps most importantly, show your support of the celebration you’re at. No-one likes a party-pooper, no matter how emotionally-bruised or cynical she might be. Even if you’re the Mayor Of Bittersville – and after a bad date too many, what are the chances? – you need to put aside your own thoughts and be happy for the bride and groom. Think about it this way; life is short and tough, and any chance we get to celebrate love, or even hope for a happy ending, we should grab with both hands. After all, it’ll be your own big day before you know it.
Kids at a wedding
BY Tanya Sweeney
Of all the variables that make up a wedding, few polarise opinion and cause consternation so much as the issue of children. Depending on whom you ask, children wedding guests are pint-sized terrorists who are more hindrance then help, or they are an integral part of a family celebration. Add into the mix the thought of inviting nephews and nieces, but not the children of other guests, and the entire issue becomes quite the minefield.
“Children make a wedding for me,” says Claire, 24, from Balbriggan. “They’re the best part of any ceremony for the most part, especially when they’re given a part to play in proceedings. Plus, they make wedding photos look even cuter. It’s weird to not exclude kids if you have some in your extended family.”
“I’ve lost count of the amount of times I’ve heard a baby scream through the vows part of a ceremony,” counters Alison, 31, from Lucan. “And at a reception, which is largely an adult occasion where people are drinking and dancing, I don’t think children should be there. Granted, it’s not fair to ask a child to sit and behave himself for hours on end, but it still does my head in!”
And so to the big question of etiquette: should you include them in your big day? Is it possible to ask guests not to bring children?
Using the age-old adage that it’s your big day, and you’re the person in the driving seat, it’s certainly okay to make up the rules for your wedding. Factors like venue size, wedding theme, and budget may influence your decision. So too will the reactions of the parents that you know. Telling them that you’re having a child-free wedding may be awkward and tough, but if you give everyone enough notice, they should have ample time to make alternative arrangements for their little ones. A word of warning: However, printing 'no children' on the invitations is not advisable. It's impersonal, not in keeping with etiquette and will only put people’s backs up. Putting something like 'We regret that we are unable to cater/provide facilities for children’ in writing to each parent should do the trick.
You may of course encounter the odd parent who simply can’t – or won’t – attend a wedding without their precious offspring. Effectively, you’re being forced to chose between your friends attending or not coming at all. It’s a difficult position to be put in, though not insurmountable. Try and impress upon your friend the difficult situation that they’re putting you in, and that this is a rule that applies to all, and that exceptions will only cause strain with other guests.
“I myself don't have children so I didn't see why I should have them there,” explains 29-year-old Elaine from Galway. “We got married in Sorrento so in fairness some of our friends didn't come because they couldn't get baby sitters, some of them asked could they bring the kids but we stood firm and said that if we let one we would have to let everyone. Maybe a was being a bit of a Nazi about it, but it was what I wanted and everyone who went said it was the best wedding they were ever at.”
“I think only 2 couples didn't make it to our wedding in the end because of the kid thing,” says Sarah, 28, from Castleknock. “But the others had the time of their lives and loved having a few days off to be honest with you!”
If you have decided that you would like children present and correct for your big day, do ensure that your venue is child friendly. Plenty of open space in a stately home or hotel (preferably without a pool or pond) is ideal for summer nuptials, while for colder months a spare ‘playroom’ is a good bet. You will also need to provide some sort of child entertainment, or a special kids’ table at which you can provide extra decorations and special kid-friendly food, and non-alcoholic cocktails so that they can feel a part of the celebrations.
“My husband had a couple of nieces and nephews who were aged about 11 or 12, and I did fret that they would be a problem,” admits Sheila, 34, from Carlow. “Then a friend came up with the idea of giving them a ‘role’ in the day. So we bought them disposable cameras and told them that they were our unofficial photographers for the day. Some of the pictures they took were even better than the ones we paid for!”
